There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
