When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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