is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
not ubering you a puppy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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