I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
