I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
