you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
