dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
