watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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