"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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