He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
