the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
