no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So much Jack, so little girl.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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