if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i think i have two assholes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
