I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
