I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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