those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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