i just wanna soil my oats bro
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
