so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
