U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
