I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize