You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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