Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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