Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
