help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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