There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
