I think I am morally bankrupt
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
