He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
