My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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