How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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