You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
