just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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