He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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