Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
