): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
