Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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