I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm both gender and math confused
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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