Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
