the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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