I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
