He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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