Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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