Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
