Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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