i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
