Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
