I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
