I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
