And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
