he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
