Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
