I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my phone needs a breathalizer
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize