I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
