Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
