Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
