my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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