you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
