One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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