Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
that's an acceptable place to lick
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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