I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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