If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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