I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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