I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize