I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
