Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
