i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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