You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
