Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
