i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I want her autograph on my taint
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am naked and annoyed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
