Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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