he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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