I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
