Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
