thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wish my penis had a tongue
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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