nut hugger
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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