omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
