You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
