Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
