So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
