I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize