If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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