ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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