he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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