I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
3 2 1 whiskey
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize