dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
