white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
