like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
