you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
