idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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