grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
