you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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