You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
