my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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