and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize