Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
