got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
