I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
