He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
