I'm really into asian looking animals
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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