So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
