Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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