I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
