how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
