Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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