Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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