If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize