Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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