I take back everything I said about communal showers
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
