dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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