i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
