i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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