I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
