I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
