I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
