I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
