i already hear my dad disowning me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
