sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
