is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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