So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
