just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
