somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
