Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
