I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
