he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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