So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize