I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Terrible idea I love it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
