i just had sex bonerless
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
