Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
