I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize