he thought i was a dude.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
