I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
