It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
