i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was confusing and full of hummus
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
