the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize